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Pick-Up Lines“Congratulations, you’ve been voted most beautiful girl in the room, and the grand prize is a date with me!”
“I think I’m dead, because you have to be an angel.”
“Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?”
“What’s that in your eye? Oh, I guess it was just a twinkle”
“If you were a book, the writing would be what we call FINE PRINT!”
“If I could hold a star every time you made me smile I would have the entire night sky in the palm of my hand.”
“If you were a booger, I would pick you first.” (O.O ... Gross...)
“Were you arrested earlier

Pick Up Lines Part IMost Popular Pickup Lines
Part I

Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.

You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"]
... I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.

Pick up a pack of sugar that actually says, "sugar" on it and say, "You dropped your nametag!".

What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.

Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.

Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee fal

A Funny Catholic StoryLittle Mary Margaret was not the best student in
Catholic School .
Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while
she was sleeping.
'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?'

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who
was her friend
sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her
in the rear.

'God Almighty!'
shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching
her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who
is our Lord and
Savior?'

But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again,
Johnny came to
her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the

Funny Quotes 2Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
-- Demetri Martin

"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."

"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation"

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."

"If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough."

"All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."

"Constipated People Don't Give A crap."

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you critic

Funny Sayings 1 Funny Sayings #1

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and then call whatever you hit the target

Polytetrafluoroethylene is a word i cant pronounce!

Date a woman, get a free pair of melons!

Beer- The breakfast of champions!

There's only one way to cure a hangover- drink some more!

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the "up" button

If at first you DO succed, TRY not to look suprised

Ever stop to think and then forget to start again?

If life gives you lemons, make margaritas!

If you think life's against you, it probably is

So your wife just left you
How sad you must be
Loo

funny sayings•“If life is like a play, mine is lit up on Broadway.”
•“If life is like a video-game, where’s the freakin’ reset button?”
• “Friendship is like a candle. It can light many other candles, but it won’t shorten its life.” – Buddha
•"You fight crime and make cookies? How do you do it?”
•“I hope the ambitious realize they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure.” – George W. Bush
•“If life gives you lemons, FIRE THE TORPEDOES!”
•“If you want to taste the rainbow, eat crayons.”
•“How do

Some Funny Quotesif the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

How come we say 'It's colder than h3!! outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than h3!! since h3!! is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why are the commercials for

10 Funny Quotes1. "Evil beware - We have Waffles." - Raven from Teen Titans

2. "Pants are an illusion, and so is death!" - Hue the Swampbender from Avatar: the Last Airbender

3. "I am bike cheese!" - Eugene Mirman

4. "All destinations are final - that's what it means, destiny, final - if you haven't gotten where you're going....you aren't there yet!" - George Carlin

5. "The key to life isn't to set goals to achieve - the key to life is to set goals no one can take away from you! For example, tonight, my goal is to go to the bathroom outside my pants!" - James P. Connolly

6. "My motto is 'Shoot for the curve but everything above it is gravy!'" - James P

heh heh funny stuffs24 fun things to do on an elevator:

1. Grimace painfully, hit your head with your palm, and say "shut up dammit, all of you just shut up!"

2. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a small world" over and over again

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with

Funny Sayingsvery, Very, VERY FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!
Here are some random sayings me & my friends thought of that we think is funny.
READ OR ELSE I SHALL DO NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

* I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

* This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.

* Guns don’t kill people. . . but they make it real easy.

* Born free. . . taxed to death.

* "The more people I meet, the more I like myself better."

* A bartender is just like a pharmacist. . . but only with a limited inventory.

* "I used to have a handle on life, bu

Funny PoemRoses are red
violets are blue
sugar is sweet
and so are you
but the roses
are wilting
the violets
are dead
the sugar bowls
empty
and so is
your head

A Lot Of Funny Little Sayings1. You have ONE advantage over me..... You can kiss my @ss and I can't!

2. Tradgedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

3. You only live once...but if you live it right, once is enough.

4. If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead, so shut up.

5. When a smurf is choking, what color does it turn?

6. The nice mean are ugly, the handsome men are mean, and the nice and handsome men are GAY!

7. When life hands you lemons, alter their DNA, and make SUPER LEMONS!

8. Boys are like lava lamps, pretty to look at, but not very bright.

9. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems...

10. A

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More from ~meoooooooooow

muffin vs. cupcakeYou think you’re so cool,
But we all know you’re not.
You’re so full of sugar,
So I hope you get shot!

Your hair is done up,
In frosting and sprinkles.
But just like the rest,
You go down the human stink holes.

You’re always invited to parties,
Because your colors are so bright.
You hog all the love,
And that’s just not right.

We muffins have so little fans,
Because of your stupid popularity.
People say that we’re just ugly,
But why can’t they see the similarity.

hello mum, you have 1 new textTo the wonderful lady,
I painfully popped out of.
From the first day I was alive.
You filled me with unforgettable love.

From ages 3-6
With all the messes I made.
I'm so surprised,
That your love will never fade.

From the ages 7-12 you encouraged me,
To try out so many new things,
From training bras to make-up,
And even pink pixie wings.

And now from 13 to the day I turn 18.
You go through all the grief I cause.
So I think you should know,
That secretly loving mom is one of the teenage laws.

From your loving child, Frances

thats how i amLove happening,
all around.
love so strong,
i'm knocked to the ground.

you'd think i'd be jealous,
for i'm the only one who's alone.
but i am not because,
i have a heart of stone.

For all the times in my life,
i've never really loved.
i kept everyone at bay.
once too close away i shoved.

but that's how i am,
and thats alright with me.
and thats how it will be,
that i guarantee.

My brothers new guitarMy brother's new guitar.

My brothers new guitar,
what a wonderful thing.
oh how it shines,
oh how it will sing.

The notes dance off,
in a string of song.
whether it be fast and quick,
or slow and long.

Fingers lovingly strum,
along the golden strings.
and drifting ever so softly,
is a song fit for kings.

The face of his guitar.
with it's glossy shine.
Makes the guitar,
looks so utterly divine.

Young LoveYoung love.

They say young love never works,
And most of the time that’s true.
But if you really love someone,
There’s absoloutly nothing you can do.

Two people who’s love is so strong,
And have yet to grow even more.
With love so young and pure,
It’s my hope that it will soar.

So I give my blessings,
To the young hearts in love.
May your love last,
And reach to the skies above.

Forbidden Love Elope

Fingers brushing,
Against my skin.
I feel the heat,
Of my sin.

Even though,
I am taken.
But his love,
Has been forsaken.

So each night,
I lay in your arms.
I’ve fallen in love,
With your charms.

One thing in the way.
Is the man I’m sworn to.
But I no longer can love him,
So to him i say adieu.

To the nearest middle of nowhere.
That is where we’ll go.
Where our love,
Will be free to grow.

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Funny pick up lines

by ~meoooooooooow, Jan 1, 2008, 10:43:39 PM
Literature / Prose / Fiction / Humor

Worlds funniest and weird pick up lines

1. Did you clean your pants with Windex? Because I can practically see myself in them
2. I play the field… and it looks like I just hit a home run with you!
3. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?”
4. Your daddy must have been a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns.
5. Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
6. Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin'.
7. Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb.
8. You must play the trumpet, because you sure made me horny!
9. I'm good at math. U+I equals 69
10. Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass!
11. Damn! Somebody needs to write explosive on you, because you are a firecracker!
12. You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!
13. Your name must be Mickey because you’re so fine!
14. Mars? This is the advanced recon unit. Good news, I've found a couple of foxes.
15. I'm a Love Pirate, and I'm here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!
16. Hey, do you work at subway? Cus you just gave me a footlonger.
17. Hey baby, if I flip this quarter what are my chances of getting head?
18. please miss can you just give me a quckie i'm 45 and haven't had sex yet, please i beg of you.
19. Nice shoes, wanna fuck
20. Hi, I'm conducting a poll on oral sex. Would you like to see my pole?
21. is that a mirror in your pocket cuz i can see myself in your pants
22. You're so fine, I bet you'd slip through a colander
23. Amazing Grace come sit on my face, don't make me cry I need your pie.
24. I'm crazy for your lips. The lips between your hips.
25. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
26. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
27. Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?
28. Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half. If you are not getting your mile and a half, why not let me help out?
29. Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I like Spaghetti, Let's go fuck!
30. I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
31. hey baby i can sex in five languages...wanna learn French
32. did you wet your pants or are you just happy to see me
33. *licks finger and puts on her shirt* lets get those wet cloths off you *suggestive wink*
34. *go upto a girl(or guy if ur gay)*
"do you work for NASA"
"no why?"
"i needed help with this rocket in my pocket....it's about to explode"
35. Hi, my name's Tom. You know, from Tom, Dick and Harry. Harry, Dick and Tom? Tom's hairy dick?

And the last one, a good one too: 36. Excuse me, but I DO think it's about time we met....

Funny pick up linesby ~meoooooooooow

Literature / Prose / Fiction / Humor

i made up none of these pick up lines, i got them from various people and websites, and unfortunatly, some of them have been used on me before. but i was bored and thought this would be funny to make

love 1 1

joy 5 5

wow 1 1

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~MadiArt23 Jul 11, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

worst pick-up lines I've ever heard:
Weird friend who watches too much anime: "Oh my your legs look tired from all that running through my mind all day"
Some weird guy: "I admire the sun, it can touch you everyday" OMG XD
Another weird guy: "I lost my number, can I borrow yours?"